| Inside looking out |
[Jun. 24th, 2005|02:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
You're a Winter. You very much enjoy your time
alone but do like other people's company
sometimes. You just need your space. You have a
few priviledged friends who saw past your
colder exterior to find the true you. You can
have pretty bad mood swings (though you hate to
admit it) so you could be soft one second then
storming around the next! But over all, you're
a very pleasant person once people take the
time to get to know you. You're a good friend
for in-depth talks. You're very talanted when
it comes to creative things.
I feel like a winter today, I guess. Kinda bored, kinda stand-offish. Guess I'm tired of being stuck in the office when it's gorgeous outside. Can't wait for the weekend! |
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| Should be sleeping |
[Jun. 19th, 2005|10:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
So the crow stopped bothering me, I aced all my finals, and the trip to Northern California was incredible. Half way between LA and San Francisco, we stopped at Moro Bay. It's a beautiful little town with a HUGELY GIANT rock/boulder in the middle of the bay. The lawyers have already been there, cause you can't climb it or anything, but it's pretty impressive. We stopped to see Chris in San Jose - over 6 years since I've seen him and he looks exactly the same. He was too tired to chat for long, so we headed over to the Winchester House. This Lady went nuts when her baby and husband died, and she started building onto this house non-stop until her death 35 years later. It was pretty crazy, with doors leading to a two-story drop, windows in the floor, stairways to the ceiling, and all kinds of craziness. Next, we met up with M and A in SF. I already miss them both and can't wait to visit again. There's just something about San Francisco that I can't shake. We ate Tai food and went our separate ways in the morning. They were meeting friends up in Ukaiah(?) and we decided we'd rather head toward Shasta.
We stopped for a minute in Sausalito - awesome spot just north of the city - and made it up to Lake Shasta. The place is incredible! Obviously, there's a huge lake, but there are streams and creaks, and beautiful vegetation. It reminded me of New England a little. We went to the Shasta Canyons (recommend it for anyone who gets the chance) and took a trip up to Burney to see the 130 foot Burney Falls. It was all South after that; mostly driving home to make sure we gave enough time to get back, get settled, and be ready for work.
It's been a week since being back and I'm already getting antsy for something new, another adventure. Sometimes I wish I was a normal person, content with where I am, what I have; but I'm not. I feel so simple, so insignificant I want to jump out of my skin. Will it ever go away, this unending discomfort, this desire for everything else? I want to see the world, I want to do it all, and yet I just keep going back to work, day after day, sitting at my desk listening to people groan and complain just to hear their own voices, just to feel like they are important and have influence.
Now I'm listening to Brian snore. It's not his fault, but it kinda sucks when I'm trying to dissect my own thoughts and figure out why I feel so incomplete. Guess I won't figure it out tonight... |
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| Forever Since I wrote |
[May. 24th, 2005|12:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
Well, It's been months since I've entered anything. Could have been that pesky wedding I was planning. Yup, for anyone who cares, or just happens across this page, I got married on October 23, 2004 to Brian Burchard. We are now living in El Cajon, a suburb of San Diego. Now that the rediculous weather has stopped dumping water all over the county... it's hot! Can't complain, I love the heat.
I've now been attacked three times by out apartment complex crow. I think it has a baby or something cause it's being a serious jerk. I now find out that they are federally protected... a scavenger bird! Common people! These birds have more rights regarding where they have their nest and babies than I do! Anyway, I've spent all morning trying to figure out how to deal with it, cause it hangs out right at my door. Tomorrow we'll see how it goes.
Still going to night classes at the local Community College. Finals are this week - not like I studied, but we'll see how it goes. After that, it's road trip time. We're heading up the coast with no schedule or destination. We'll stop in LA and San Fran for friends, but otherwise, it's just us. Yay! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 29th, 2004|12:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Black Eyed Peas - Hey Mama | ] |
Aphrodite/Eros
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
Definitely in a sappy mood. Missing Brian, waiting for Saturday to go with him and friends to Magic Mountain. Will be my first visit, so hopefully I don't get sick on any rides.
School has been crazy, but I'm doing really well and it looks like I won't completely burn out before the semester is over. Waiting for spring break week... having to work won't really feel like much of a break. Oh well.
Wishing I could go to San Fran and visit M, but the $$ just isn't arround. Have to kep the car running first and foremost. Stoopid transmission. >=(~
Want to write more too. Haven't been able to find any time for my own writing, when school has me pumping out essays weekly. I have so many ideas for my own work that I keep forgetting in the work turmoil.
Time to get back to work anyway.
Bye-bye. |
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| Still Love Jungle |
[Dec. 25th, 2003|12:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | DJ Odi | ] |
I'm hanging out in Mass as I write this, listening to jungle and taking a break from dancing around my parent's library. Feels kinda weird to be home, but not home. The feeling that things are changing and passing by faster. Trying to keep myself from letting it all sneak past when I'm not paying attention.
No snow, no ice
But Christmas remains
Gifts of all sizes
Wood burning in the fire place
Music and laughter
And life waiting for me.
Patience,
Not often found,
And hot coffee
To wake the morning
With my love and loved
Can't think of a better day.
Can't wait to see Marjorie and Shawn and Rachel while I'm here.
Ok, I've had my breather. Time to dance around again.... |
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| Nothing New |
[Dec. 2nd, 2003|02:21 pm] |
I continue to fail at keeping my journal updated. Perhaps the lack of a home computer is the trouble.
Hmm, life is busy, and I'm trying to ignore the impending doom that is looming over my job right now. Hopefully I can use my gift of procrastination to act ignorant of the fact that I will certainly fail at the task I've been given (trying to please two managers, a psychotic Board, and act as a manager) without actually being fired over it.
But better subjects, Thanksgiving was very nice. I went with Brian to his parents' house. His Grandmas, sister & husband, cousins all showed up. It was a little loud and a bit cramped, but everyone was fun and the food was awesome. And when they found out about my birthday, I got gifts, which is always kewl.
Can't wait till Friday! Woohoo! |
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| Something Else |
[Oct. 29th, 2003|11:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nora Jones (again) | ] |
I don't want to be working today. I didn't want to on Monday or Tuesday either, but somehow I got conned into doing it. I really hate living with my Manager right now. The smoke has made me totally sick and thank God for DayQuill. San Diego has been burning up since Saturday night, and today is the first day that doesn't smell and taste like I have hy head down a chimney with a fire going.
I can't wait for the weekend. I've been hanging out at Brian's house with Mike and Stephan and their girls cause I'm so tired by the end of the day I don't want to drive all the way back to north county. It would be kinda nice if he came to see me though. Logically speaking, it would make no sense, since I work downtown, everything that we do is in east county, but it would still be nice to show that he would put the effort in to see me. Oh well, I'm getting sappy again. Must be a DayQuil trip or something. Maybe tomorrow will be better. |
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| More fun stuff |
[Oct. 17th, 2003|03:17 pm] |
You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.
What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Ummm, maybe? |
[Oct. 17th, 2003|12:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
You are Form 3, Unicorn: The Innocent.
"And The Unicorn knew she wasn't meant to
go into the Dark Wood. Disregarding the advice
given to her by the spirits, Unicorn went
inside and bled silver blood.. For her
misdeed, the world knew evil."
Some examples of the Unicorn Form are Eve
(Christian) and Pandora (Greek).
The Unicorn is associated with the concept of
innocence, the number 3, and the element of
water.
Her sign is the twilight sun.
As a member of Form 3, you are a curious
individual. You are drawn to new things and
become fascinated with ideas you've never come
in contact with before. Some people may say
you are too nosey, but it's only because you
like getting to the bottom of things and
solving them. Unicorns are the best friends to
have because they are inquisitive.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Truth |
[Oct. 17th, 2003|09:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sean Paul | ] |
Ok, yes I deleted my last entry. Anyone who read it (probably just Marjorie) knows that it's not me. Not really. I DO like being a girl sometimes. Thankfully, being a girl does not require me to be a typical, readable, soft-spoken, pastel girl. I broke out my baggy jeans and an old HotTopic wife-beater and took a day off. Just cause. I feel better for it too. I don't feel so trapped in my own body and my own mind. Part of that is from talking with Marjorie the other day (I truly do not do that enough) and part was from me remembering that being me is ok. Who cares what most of the people think? Most of the people in California voted for The Terminator as governor. Ok, enough "finding self" prattle. Time for me to get back to work, or atleast wander the internet in search of old Monty Python references and pointless humor. Perhaps I'll even tackle a poem or two. |
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|
| Food for Thought |
[Aug. 5th, 2003|09:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sasha & Digweed, Communication | ] |
So I've elected to take about a half hour out of my work day to write about all the absolute nothing I've been accomplishing recently. Oh, I've done a lot of stuff, gone a lot of places, but none of it has actually made me or anyone else better off. I ran off to Disney Land, went to a wedding in Simi Valley, visited family (Brian's family) in Lake LA, and seen so many movies I've already forgotten half of them. But in the end I don't feel more intelligent, more fulfilled or more of a person than the week before.
In the long run this actually makes me feel better. It proves that life isn't about what you have or where you've been (though good serious travel is food for the soul), it's how you've managed to change and make change. This also makes me feel better than I don't have a lot of money and I don't where diamonds or thousand dollar tank tops by people with Italian names and that no one would probably notice me if I passed them on the street.
I really like being the "behind the scenes" person. I don't mind if I'm never on TV or if my name never goes down in the history books. I'd rather be the person who could always make you smile, or be the one you could rely on when your chips are down. That's all I really want to be.
Ok, so this was a bit of a random entry, but if you know me, then you know it's not so far out there from how I usually am. Sometimes I just think too much and I have to write some of the thoughts out of my way so I can get on with the other stuff I should be doing... like work. =) Anyway, I guess this all was just food for thought. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 15th, 2003|07:20 am] |
|
Where to begin... actually I can't right now, but I will next time I stop in. Life is great and crazy and burning me out a ton right now, but I'm still finding time to call a few friends, escape to the movies and have an awesome fourth of July. I'll write all about it tomorrow but right now I need some food and sleep. =) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2003|05:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Independent | ] |
You've found a place in my hear I don't understand
With exotic emotions of every kind
That you rouse from their slumber
As you make your home.
So please forgive these growing pains
as unknown feelings awake within
Please know that as we grow there will become
More room for you and less for uncertainty.
For a time I may have tears, as foundational fears
Are replaced with newer truth
But you are and always will be
The one to make me happy.
So please pardon the debris
From this internal renovation
Where I sometimes loose myself
In all the craziness
Preparing a place for you. |
|
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| On the Road Again |
[May. 30th, 2003|11:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | On the Road Again | ] |
Wow, if anything could have gone wrong getting ready for this road trip it has! The car needed attention and everywhere I went didn't really fix the problem (not major) and my extended warantee is tripping out cause the company looks like it's going Bankrupt. "We can authorize the work, but we can't promise you'll ever be reimbursed." !! Then the washing machine broke and my last pay check won't be ready until 2 hours after I was supposed to leave work. And all I can do is laugh.
Still, I'm so excited. Driving cross-country with Brian, showing off my old stomping grounds, meeting the parents (yikes for B). Then Kat & Josh's wedding! YAY!!! Then after all the craziness, Brian, my brother and I will cruise on back with a quick stop in SF to see Marjorie. Haven't seen her in forever! I can't believe that I want to spend three days in a car with my brother and boyfriend. I'm just asking for trouble. =)
Can't wait to be road trippin again. |
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| Just another day |
[May. 22nd, 2003|12:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Supertones | ] |
I don't know what to think today
My mind won't keep up with what I say
And I feel a hundred pounds heavier than before
Before I forced myself to walk out the door
And succumb to the joys of cubicle life
This job's turned a gypsy into a housewife
And drained away the spirit within
And everyday I let the corporate dragon win
Cause I don't know how to fight anymore
Just hope that tomorrow has something in store
Anything better than today
Just wish it would all fade away
Find something I can call my own
Find someone who still chases the sun
Who would like to chase it with me
Who doesn't mind a life of simplicity
I can do without the shoes and handbags
Materialism has society bound and gagged
Just give me some highway and an open road
And I won't stop driving till the gas runs low
Cause it's the only place I can be free
Escape the grasp of expectancy
I promise to always swim against the current
And speak my mind till my last breath's spent
But until we loose currency and go back to barter
I'll sit and type meaninglessly at my computer
And dream of the day when I can just go
Make by exodus to the open road |
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|
| Spark |
[May. 15th, 2003|02:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
There is a darkness in my eyes
A widening void in my view
Of failure, strife and vengeful chance
A growing wall I can't break through.
Each day brings on greater struggle
Before the first is even mended
Like deadened corpses piled upon me
Thoughts of future bring only dread.
But there is a spark, a tiny fire
Desperately flickering within the gale
And that flame will become an inferno
Because His strength will always prevail.
My faith, though weak, burns constant still
For its placement is secure
His holy hands hold sand and galaxy
And from His floodgate, mercies pour.
So through this pain my joy remains
Focus locked on a heavenly goal.
Oh Jesus, savior, perfection, divine
You have my heart, my life, my soul. |
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| Hungry? |
[May. 14th, 2003|09:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Paul Oakenfold, New York Underground | ] |
This weekend was crazy, but good. Things always seem to end up that way - crazy, but good in the end. I had to take my car for a tune up Saturday so we (still Brian and I) decided to grab a Burger at Burger King - kinda ghetto, but better than "Jack". We finally sit down take a big bite and there's some lady at a table freaking out cause there's a HUGE roach truckin across the floor. This thing was so big to could have picked up her burger and run off with it. So I got to call SD Helth Department this week. =) It actually felt good knowing that The King is gonna get inspected over this.
Yesterday I went to Bible Study. The guys were feeling extra masculine or something cause it was broken up into groups, which put all the girls together - which is ok cause I know guys never feel good about sharing their deepest struggles with the oposite sex, makes them feel less of men or something. But it was kewl cause I got to know Christine and Shanon a bit. Maybe we'll have a bonfire or something some time.
The Road Trip is right around the corner! Just over 2 weeks before I'm "back on the road again". I absolutely can't wait. I'm going to see my old stomping grounds again and catch up with RayRay, Shawn, MonaLisa, and the Breda Crew to name a few =) Oh, yes, and the family. Lately, I've really wanted to get back on the road, be somewhere where no one knows me, where I can be anyone. No expectations. It's gonna be awesome! |
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| Friday! |
[May. 9th, 2003|03:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | BT, "Dreaming" | ] |
Yay! I've made it to the next weekend! This week felt like the passing of an entire month. Lots of drama, lots of things to do. I bought some replacement CDs yesterday, the ones that I can't live without. Don't know how I would have gone long without music. Can't wait to see what the weekend brings... Billy Graham should be crazy. |
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| Weekend |
[May. 7th, 2003|06:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
So my car was broken into early Sunday morning. Yup, it was the best - glass in EVERYTHING. They took all, no I mean ALL my music and my CD player (that's what I get for having a portable one). The cops didn't show for 4 hours, Brian was away helping his friend move and I was stuck waiting for police who didn't care and just told me I should try not to park there. yay. But all in all, I learned a little, realized that stuff is only stuff and one day it will inevitably be gone. Really wish I had some music to listen to though. That would be kewl. I've had the same two songs circling my brain all day. And I just finished working (thank you Tim for Board Packets). Thankfully, I know that today and tomorrow and the next couple days at least can't possibly suck as hard as Sunday. |
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